The emotional pain caused by a husband’s affair can affect every single part of your life. It can cause fear, despair, doubt, unbelief, and other mentally draining feelings. It can also take a toll on your physical health and your spiritual health.
God is a loving, comforting Father who doesn’t want you to be in pain. He wants you to ask Him questions and He wants to walk with you through infidelity and heal you along the way. It may seem like you will never heal, but with His help, you can come to a place of hope.
Managing Your Emotions
Emotions are a normal part of life. God created you to have feelings and to express them. They are not always going to be pleasant or easy, but they can always point us to Jehovah-Rapha the Lord who heals.
When beginning to heal from your husband’s affair, your emotions are valid. But, you should be able to identify your emotions and handle them appropriately as they come up.
Recognize Your Loss
An affair brings incredible loss. It is the loss of trust, the loss of a relationship, and sometimes the loss of faith. It is important to understand how this loss affects you. Loss and grief can help teach you things God wants you to learn. While He doesn’t cause the loss, He is faithful and will use every opportunity to help you heal and grow.
Understanding the ‘Why’ of His Affair
Many people may tell you that the ‘why’ doesn’t matter. This is an unhealthy point of view. Why is always the question people want to know when their husband cheats on them. You may never get the exact reason behind it but you can take steps to better understand the possible reasons he had the affair. This can help you move forward in your healing.
One of the areas a betrayed spouse struggles is resentment. God will help you let go of the resentment you have toward your husband. This takes time, which eventually leads to release forgiveness. With God’s help. Eventually, you’ll be able to give resentment entirely to Him.
Forgiving Your Husband
Probably the most crucial step to healing is forgiveness. This is a necessary step to be able to heal. Forgiveness will help you be filled with God’s peace and helps you work through reoccuring painful thoughts easier. God loves you so much that He wants you to be able to come to a place of complete forgiveness, even if you feel like it’s impossible.
Sometimes when we lose trust in those closest to us, we lose trust in God, too. It’s important to know that God’s plans for your life and your marriage do not include heartache and despair. He wants to walk you through the healing journey, knowing that you can trust Him above all else.
“If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind.” James 1:5-6
Ask For Help
God does not intend for you to go through this alone nor should you. Many people love you and want to help. Lean on your loved ones who are supportive and safe.
It is also a good idea to find a good counselor or marriage coach who is grounded in the Word of God. and understands how to heal from a betrayal.I can help walk you through your healing process. The steps I have mentioned are a glimpse into my online coaching program, From Betrayal to Healing.You can learn more by booking a Betrayal to Healing Breakthrough session with me. I can help you discover the tools you need to heal from your husband’s affair God’s way.
Your Spouse’s Affair Isn’t Your Fault – Here’s Why
When a woman’s husband has an affair, it is very easy – and sometimes almost second nature – for her to blame herself. This is extremely normal, but it is not a correct assumption by any means. It can be easy to fall into the trap of playing the “blame game,” which is something that a lot of women do after learning of a marriage betrayal.
Today, I want you to know and understand that your husband’s affair is not your fault. The blame lies with him completely. Let’s talk about why.
Outside Voices Can Contribute to the Blame Game
It is possible that once you learned about your husband’s affair, and you shared it with others, they had plenty to say in response. Many women find that they hear many of the following questions and statements:
Maybe you should try dressing sexier for him.
Have you been withholding sex from your husband?
Did you make sure you made his favorite meals for dinner?
All you need to do is go out on more dates with each other.
Have you tried having daily devotions with your husband?
Maybe you could drop a few pounds so that he finds you more attractive?
These questions and statements can do so much damage, and they are largely why so many women blame themselves for their husband’s affairs. These outside voices are dangerous, so it is wise to keep talking to friends and family about the affair at a minimum.
You Feel Responsible for Your Husband’s Repentance
Because they have played the “blame game,” many women begin to believe the lie that they are responsible for their husbands’ repentance. They may take steps such as, setting up counseling appointments, buying their husbands self-help books or setting up a time for their husbands to meet with pastoral staff. These can all be helpful, of course, but in taking these actions, women are denying themselves the time they need to work through the healing process.
You are not responsible for your husband’s repentance to God or to you. It is up to him to make the necessary changes in his own life, if that is what he chooses to do.
Moving Past Accepting Fault and Into Healing from Marriage Betrayal
Have you caught yourself accepting the blame for your husband’s infidelity? This is so easy to do, but the fault is not yours, nor is it your job to fix the situation. It is wise to seek the advice of someone who understands what you are going through and who can provide you with the Biblical guidance and direction you need during this difficult time in your life.
As a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor, I have worked with many women to do just that. You can make an appointment with me by emailing me at email@example.com, or by sending me a message through my contact page.
The Word of God is filled with instances of God’s healing power. It is available to you as well, and I would love to help you experience it.
If you have been wounded by your spouse’s affair, you are probably experiencing a gamut of emotions. It’s normal for you to feel angry, upset and hurt by what they did to you. In fact, it may seem as though there’s no possible way for you to forgive your spouse Many individuals find themselves asking, can betrayal be forgiven? I’d like you to know that it is possible to forgive him for what they did. What’s more, the two of you may be able to move past the affair and have a marriage that’s stronger than it was before.
But of course, these changes don’t happen overnight. Healing and recovering after an affair is a process that takes time. It can be done, and it happens more easily for believers when they take the time to seek out what God’s Word says about it.
Spend Time With the Lord
First and foremost, you must spend time with God. This is the most important step and it’s one that many individuals forget to take – even those who are believers. But everything you need for healing and restoration resides with Him and His presence.
In Deuteronomy 31:8, it says, The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. In Psalm 23:4, it says, Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
These are just a few examples of God’s love and comfort. His Word is filled with them. Spending time with God allows Him to love on you and give you the peace and wisdom you need for the journey ahead.
Have Your Spouse Disclose the Affair
At some point, you will want to talk with your spouse about the affair in more detail. You most likely have a lot of questions, and your spouse should be more than willing to answer them.
Once your spouse discloses information about the affair, you’re going to need a lot of support. You may want to consider waiting to do this until you’re working with a professional who specializes in this type of counseling. That way, that person can guide you through the process.
Determine Your Spouse’s Willingness to Repair Your Marriage
Getting an answer to the question: “Can betrayal be forgiven?” means taking steps toward reconciliation, if that’s something you both want. You may be dreading asking your your spouse if they have a desire to work through the affair and reconcile with you; mostly because you’re afraid of the answer. But this is something that you need to know, and you deserve to know what they want.If your spouse is willing to repair your marriage, you can move forward together. If not, you will need to work through all of the feelings that come with being separated and eventually divorced. Forgiveness will be a major part of that, regardless of what path you both choose.
Talk with a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor About Forgiving Your Spouse’s Betrayal
As a Christian marriage coach and counselor, I’ve worked with many couples as they sought forgiveness for the spouse’s betrayal. It was not an easy road to travel, but because they followed God’s Word, many of those marriages were restored. They experienced the type of forgiveness that can only come from God, and they are stronger couples as a result.
I offer free consultations to individuals and couples who have gone through the betrayal of an affair. I would love the chance to talk with you about your situation and determine if working together would be a good fit. Feel free tocontact me through my website or email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
Can betrayal be forgiven? Yes, it can. I know that forgiving your spouse might seem impossible right now. But nothing is impossible with God, and I know that together, we can seek and find His will for your life and marriage.
Betrayal is known as the worst sin in marriage and for good reason. There are many different types of betrayals, such as:
A husband having an affair
A friend turning his back on another person
A child who becomes wayward
A parent who turns to drugs or alcohol
You may be all-too familiar with the first item on that list, and you’ve never felt such a deep sense of betrayal. In Proverbs 6:32, it says, But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself.
The Bible also says that God hates divorce in Malachi 2:16. While that is true, it also means that it is His ultimate desire for your marriage to be saved.
Right now, your husband’s affair is probably constantly on your mind. Let’s talk about why betrayal is the worst sin in marriage that a person can commit.
The Beauty of God’s Design for Relationships
In Genesis 2, we see a beautiful depiction of God’s love. His love was so big that He desired to share it with someone. That is why God created man and woman. Not only did He create them to love Him, He also created them to love each other.
In Genesis 2:18, it says, Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep, and He took one of his ribs to create Eve. She was to be the perfect match for her husband.
Betrayal entered the scene in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve sinned. They turned their backs on God in an effort to please their own selfish desires. The result was that they were cursed and thrown out of paradise.
Betrayal is Theft
We don’t often think of betrayal and theft as being the same, but they really are. This is especially true when you think of your covenant rights within your marriage. As your husband’s wife, you have the right to his faithfulness within the boundaries of your marriage. But once he has been unfaithful, so much is stolen from you. You lose:
Your sense of peace
Your sense of well-being
You could eventually end up losing your home, some of your friends, and time with your children. So much is lost after an affair, and it can be difficult to pick up the pieces and move on.
Moving on From Betrayal With Christian Marriage Coaching and Counseling
Fortunately, there is healing in store for you if you have been betrayed as a result of your husband’s affair. As a Christian marriage coach and counselor, I have worked with many women who are facing the same situation. Betrayal is the worst sin, but it’s not something that cannot be overcome with God’s love.
I can help you work through the feelings you’re experiencing after your husband’s affair. If you have decided to reconcile, I can help with that as well. Pleasecontact me through my website. You can also email me at email@example.com or call me at 843-379-0288.
Recovering after an affair is a long process. But together, we can seek God and His will for your life and your marriage.
Transparency is non-negotiable after a betrayal if you intend to rebuild the trust in your marriage. You husband’s staying transparent after an affair won’t come naturally to him. But it’s something he can work on. And, together, you can experience the beautiful changes that come into your marriage as a result.
There’s a reason why Solomon wrote in Proverbs 24:26, “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” Once an affair has made its way into your marriage, complete and total transparency (honesty) is a major part of the “glue” that will bring you back together. Let’s talk about what that looks like in more detail.
What is Transparency?
Transparency is best described by taking a look at its first appearance in the Bible; in the Garden of Eden. Genesis 2:25 says, “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” The ultimate form of transparency is when a husband and wife are hiding nothing. But your husband’s affair was anything but transparent. If fact your husband has become the exact opposite of that.
No keeping any type of news from your spouse, whatsoever.
Of course, this also trickles down into every area of your lives. That means not having any secret bank accounts or social media accounts. It means sharing passwords for everything. And never clearing the history on your phone or computer.
When a husband has spent so much time and energy hiding information, staying transparent after an affair is difficult. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible.
Providing Details Help in Staying Transparent after an Affair
As the betrayed wife, it’s understandable that you have questions. You may have questions about the affair itself. Or, you may feel suspicious and “grill” your husband after a long day at the office. This is completely normal, and there’s a good reason for this behavior. You feel the way that you do because of his betrayal.
Husband, if your wife is constantly asking questions, it’s because she has doubts. She doesn’t feel as though she’s getting all the information she needs. For you, giving your wife as many details as possible can prevent long, drawn-out interrogations. Let your wife be the judge as far as how much she wants to know, and answer all of her questions with complete and total honesty.
It’s often easier for husbands to leave out details because they feel that they’re protecting their wives. But this actually hurts her more than the truth ever could. Wives don’t want their husbands hiding anything from them. It’s only in total transparency that forgiveness and healing can take place.
Staying Transparent After an Affair Leads to Emotional Connection
Once you have reached the place where your husband is being transparent with you, you may find that you’re still disappointed. However, no matter how much he tells you, there will always be a desire to learn more. You’ll never be able to make complete sense of what your husband has done. But that doesn’t mean your marriage can’t be healed. And, it doesn’t mean that your trust can’t be restored.
In 1 Corinthians 4:5, Paul says, “He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart.” The truth always comes to light. And when it does, amazing things happen to God’s children.
Staying transparent after an affair is the best way for your husband to restore emotional intimacy with you. It allows him to connect with you on levels you may not have ever experienced before. When your husband is honest with you, he provides you with details and answers your questions. Then, God can work in your marriage. He can work in your husband too. God will provide the type of healing that only He can.
Moving From Betrayal to Healing
Right now, it may not seem as though healing is in store for you or your marriage. Even if you and your husband have decided to reconcile, the road ahead may seem long, and frankly, impossible to maneuver. It is, but only if you walk it alone.
I created From Betrayal to Healing for women like you. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world, and affairs are much too common; even among Christians. But these resources can provide you with the support and help you need from a Biblical perspective.
The guidance you need to get through this troubling time is available. Together, we can seek God’s will for your marriage and start the healing process He intends for you to experience.
When rebuilding trust in your marriage after an affair, your husband’s relationship with God is essential for both of you. It is especially important for your husband to seek God’s heart and continue to grow in his faith. However, couples in this situation aren’t sure where to begin. Consequently, they need to know what to do in order to grow in their relationship with the Lord.
Fortunately, God has given us a complete instruction manual in His Word. Let’s talk about what the Bible has to say about your husband’s spiritual commitment in light of his recent betrayal.
Your Husband’s Relationship with God Begins with Repentance and Forgiveness
Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” That verse is powerful, and while it doesn’t justify your husband’s affair, it does indicate that he’s not alone. Sin is a part of the world we live in, but remaining in it should never be an option. We are so blessed that God has forgiveness in store for us. However in order to access it, we must turn from our sinful ways..
In Luke 5:32, Jesus said, “I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.” According to Merriam-Webster, the word repent means, “To turn from sin and dedicate oneself to the amendment of one’s life.”
Repentance is crucial for your husband. If he is a believer he has been given an obedient heart and isn’t wired to sin. On the other hand, if he’s an unbeliever he hasn’t received God’s forgiveness, confessed and turned from his sin. I John 1:8-9 “If we say that we have no sin, we are deceiving ourselves and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
This is first place to start if your husband is an unbeliever. Respectfully request that he talk with your pastor, or another spiritual leader in your church or community. You will see a difference when your husband’s relationship with God begins to show change. Once that happens, the healing process can really begin for you both.
Healing After an Affair Through Spiritual Leadership
In Galatians 3:28, the Bible states that men and women are equal. But that doesn’t mean that your husband shouldn’t assume his role as the spiritual leader of your home. After all, it is a role that God assigned to him. In Colossians 3:19, Paul instructed, “Husbands, love your wives and do not be harsh with them.”
In Ephesians 5:25, Paul also emphasizes the importance of husbands leading their wives. He says, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Being a spiritual leader may be a foreign concept to your husband. Or, it could be that after the affair, he doesn’t feel prepared to lead properly. Again, talking with your pastor can really make a big difference in your husband’s relationship with God. And it will help him envision and put into practice spiritual leadership in your home.
Continuing to Grow in Faith
Finally, your husband should continue to grow in his faith and in his relationship with God. There are many ways that he can do this, such as:
Making church attendance his first priority.
Getting involved in a men’s Bible study.
Committing to a small group.
Attending a men’s group at your church.
Reading his Bible daily.
As he grows, and as God works in him, you will probably begin to see him get interested in more than one. That is the way your husband’s relationship with God should progress. Consequently, it will help you as he lives for God and learns how to rebuild your trust after an affair.
Finding Support After an Affair
You don’t have to go through these challenges on your own. Perhaps you’re a woman whose husband has recently had an affair and the two of you have decided to reconcile. That is such a blessing, but it will also take a lot of healing as you rebuild that trust.
From Betrayal to Healing can be a powerful source of support for you after your husband’s affair. You undoubtedly have so many questions that need to be answered. Additionally you have multiple issues that have to be worked through. I would love to partner with you and walk by your side as you go through this process.
Trust can be rebuilt. Hearts can be healed. God says it in His Word, and He has never lied. I hope you’ll join me.