It’s amazing how things change once your husband starts to talk with a counselor or marriage coach after you’ve discovered he has sexually betrayed you. Finding out that your husband has been unfaithful to you, or that he has been dabbling with pornography was incredibly hurtful. Perhaps this is the situation you’re in right now, and you need a little bit of encouragement about whether or not this is going to work for your marriage.
Here are three things you and your husband will notice fairly quickly when he decides to seek help by honestly sharing his feelings and struggles with a professional. Remember, the goal for both of you is freedom from those habits that are doing damage to your relationship and your marriage.
HE BEGINS TO COOPERATE WITH GOD
Amazing things start to happen when we cooperate with God. This is true even if we’re hesitant or if we doubt that it will make a difference in our lives. God understands our reluctance to change as human beings, but when your husband reaches out to Him, there’s an incredible transformation that takes place in him from the inside out. You’ll notice that he’ll become authentic, he’ll take ownership for the mistakes he made, and he is willing to do whatever it takes to create safety and security in your relationship. One surefire sign that you husband is serious about changing is his desire to lead spiritually in the marriage. He is eager to read a daily devotional with you, is happy to help the children dress for church and takes time to pray with you. He’ll begin to see that freedom from the chains of infidelity and dishonesty is possible because he is getting honest with God and you.
HE STARTS TO VALUE YOUR MARRIAGE
As God begins to work in your husband, he will start to remember how he felt about your marriage when you first got married. The passion will start to rekindle in his heart, only it will be renewed with God’s power behind it. He’ll have a deep desire to heal because it will mean healing himself as well as the pain he has caused for you. He does what it takes to take care of you and expresses his love though various caring behaviors that are meaningful to you. In a way, it’s as if God opens his eyes to the plans He has for your marriage, and that is such a great revelation.
HE IS FOCUSED ON INTEGRITY
As God transforms your husband and gains understanding of how important your marriage is, a deeper level of integrity will be born within his heart. He will desire accountability from you, his coach or counselor and support group. He gives you username and passwords to access his phone, social media accounts, checking and savings accounts. There is radical honesty in every aspect of his personal life. He maintains his commitment to you and your marriage for the long haul, but most of all, he will desire it to maintain his commitment to God. Honesty will become important to him, and he’ll be thrilled with the changes in himself because of his honesty. That’s because when he’s finally doing the right thing and making good decisions, he’ll be able to sleep at night again and he’ll feel good about himself. It will take time for you to begin to trust your husband again. But if he is consistent with his actions that trust will slowly begin to rebuild.
It’s really amazing what happens when we get answers for addictions that have plagued us for years. God is the answer, and as Christian marriage coaches and counselors in Beaufort, SC, we would love to help you discover that answer for your marriage.
If you would like to make an appointment to talk with a professional Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor who can help you save your marriage, please contact us at 843-379-0288. You can also use our convenient to make your appointment.
Whether you’re a woman who is praying fervently that her husband wants to save your marriage or you’re a husband who is searching for help, turning to God can change everything for your marriage.
Shock. Disbelief. Confusion.
Perhaps those are the emotions you experienced the moment you realized your husband (wife) was unfaithful or involved in a serious marital betrayal. Even if you suspected it for quite some time, deep down, you prayed that it wouldn’t be true. You tried to reason your suspicions away, but you kept coming up with more reasons why they were real.
At times, when you tried really hard, you were able to forget about them for a while and just focus on what was good about your marriage. However, before long, there they were again. Eventually, you knew you had to act on them.
Whether you asked your husband (wife) about his infidelity and he finally came clean with you, or you found out because of his inability to cover up his indiscretions any longer, the pain you’re feeling is very real. You feel betrayed and humiliated. You also feel lost and alone.
As a woman who lived through the realization that my husband was unfaithful, I understand how a serious marital betrayal feels. I immediately felt as though I had married a stranger, because this man couldn’t possibly be the same person. When I realized that he didn’t love me anymore, it was hard to allow that thought to sink in. As it did, it seemed as though my life would crumble before my eyes.
More than anything, I thought that something could be done to help him. Surely I could convince him that our marriage was worth working on and saving. He must know his infidelity was a mistake and if I was patient enough or if I tried enough possible solutions, something would click eventually, wouldn’t it? After all, we had kids together, and he loved me at one point…didn’t he?
Before long I realized that when nothing changed I had to let go of these false hopes. I had to realize that the love we once had just wasn’t there anymore. He had made a decision to stop loving me, and that was something I needed to accept if I was ever going to be the person God intended for me to be. I needed to accept it if I was going to find healing.
If this is an issue you’re facing in your marriage, please know that you are not alone. Not only have I been there, I also know that God is also with you every step of the way, just like He was with me. Throughout all the pain and the sadness, God never left me. That is what my new book: Enveloped is all about.
Sometimes it’s not until we see how closely God has held us through all of our trials that we can understand how much He really loves us. I want to invite you to join me as I open my life to you for the purpose of helping you find healing from the pain in your marriage. We serve a good God, and His plans are always for our benefit and prosperity, regardless of the circumstances we may find ourselves in.
You can read more about how God took the betrayal and loss I experienced and created hope and goodness in my life in my upcoming book, Enveloped.
Enveloped is my story, but perhaps it could be yours as well. If you or someone you know is struggling with an issue in your marriage and you need to talk to someone who can help you, please contact me at 843-379-0288. You can also set up an marriage coaching appointment with through my convenient online scheduler.
Most of my work has been done in Christian marriage coaching and counseling, and I’m often asked why I decided to put my story in a book format. I love that question for so many reasons, and I’d like to answer it for you. In my sessions with my clients, whether they were individual sessions or couples sessions, I will often share parts of my story with them.
Because I’ve been through the pain of infidelity and the feelings of marital betrayal that go along with that, I understand how it feels. I can remember when I was looking for someone to help me; I searched everywhere I could think of. I went to the obvious places I knew to ask for help. I reached out to my friends, my family members, my pastor and even a Christian counselor. None of them knew of a step-by-step plan to help me. Before I started asking for help, I felt alone. Once I realized I wasn’t going to get help from these sources, I felt isolated, scared and completely on my own.
In sharing bits and pieces of my story, I could see the change in the clients I was working with. It meant something to them that someone understood what they were going through, and not only understood that pain, but offered to share with them about what would work for them. I enjoy sharing my story because it has helped my clients in so many ways, but I wanted to do more. I wanted to reach more people with the truth of God’s unconditional and never-ending love.
That’s why Enveloped was written.
Enveloped is a heartbreaking story that’s filled with promises. Many of the clients I’ve worked with, whether they were individuals or couples, didn’t realize that there was hope for them. They felt stuck, trapped and as though all hope was lost. Many of them didn’t realize how great God’s love was for them, even in the midst of the challenges they were facing. If you’re reading this, perhaps you can relate to the pain of losing your spouse to infidelity or other serious marital betrayal. Maybe you or someone you know feels stuck too, and you’re not sure how you’re ever going to overcome your grief and start to get your life back on track.
You can read more about my journey in my upcoming book, Enveloped. It will be available by June 29 on Amazon.com. I couldn’t believe all that God could accomplish in me and through me once I realized how much He loved me. If God wasn’t there for me, I don’t know that I could have survived my divorce. I felt ready to give up. God had bigger plans for me than I ever imagined, and He has big plans for you too.