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Why Did My Spouse Have an Affair?

If you are a Christian who has recently discovered that your spouse had an affair, there is probably one burning question in your mind – why? This is a hard question to answer; especially considering the fact that the pain is so fresh from the betrayal.

There could be many reasons for your spouse’s affair, but it is also important for you to know that their cheating is not a reflection on anything you did or did not do. Their actions are their responsibility and theirs alone. Let’s talk about the different reasons why they might have betrayed you and your marriage.

They are a Backslidden Christian

It is possible that your spouse has been walking away from God for a very long time. Sometimes this can happen so slowly that it is hardly noticeable, but the effects are unmistakable.

Some signs that your spouse is backsliding, aside from having an affair, include:

  • They no longer want to go to church.
  • They don’t spend time in prayer.
  • They don’t spend time reading his Bible.
  • They don’t discuss spiritual matters with you.
  • They don’t spend time with their Christian friends.

Once they walking away from God, temptation is everywhere. It is possible that because they’re no longer interested in the things of God, they aren’t convicted about having an affair as they would have been.

They have an Addiction to Sex

There are many men (and women too)who actually have addictions to sex or even love. Even if you have an intimate relationship with your husband, he may still feel the need to find someone outside the marriage to fulfill those strong desires.

Sex and love can have the same effects that drug and alcohol addiction have on a person’s mind and body. Your husband may experience a “rush” that feels good when he cheats. Sex and love addicts often chase after that high, and the same concept is evident in men who are addicted to pornography.

They’re Experiencing a “Second Adolescence”

Over time, some individuals begin to view their wives almost like their mothers. This is demonstrated by the behaviors they act out when they are cheating. For example, has your spouse been:

  • Hiding text messages from you or deleting them from his phone?
  • Finding different ways to stay out late?
  • Making excuses when they miss important family events?

It is not uncommon for some individuals to “parentify” their partners. They may sneak around behind their backs and rebel against their marriage vows. This is often a poor attempt at individuality while making sure they have a spouse at home to make themselves feel secure.

Should You Consider Christian Marriage Counseling?

Working with a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor can give you fresh insight from the Word of God on your situation and on your spouse’s behavior. I have worked with many individuals who found themselves a betrayed spouse. Together, we have been able to work through the issues, pain and emotions that often accompany discovering that their spouse has cheated.

If you would like to make an appointment with me, please do so in any of the following ways – you can email me at hello@drcarolerb.com, or fill out the form on my contact page.

Your spouse may have had an affair for any number of reasons. While it is important for you to get answers to your questions, God is the one who holds the healing power you so desperately need. Let’s seek it together.

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