Betrayal is known as the worst sin in marriage and for good reason. There are many different types of betrayals, such as:
A husband having an affair
A friend turning his back on another person
A child who becomes wayward
A parent who turns to drugs or alcohol
You may be all-too familiar with the first item on that list, and you’ve never felt such a deep sense of betrayal. In Proverbs 6:32, it says, But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself.
The Bible also says that God hates divorce in Malachi 2:16. While that is true, it also means that it is His ultimate desire for your marriage to be saved.
Right now, your husband’s affair is probably constantly on your mind. Let’s talk about why betrayal is the worst sin in marriage that a person can commit.
The Beauty of God’s Design for Relationships
In Genesis 2, we see a beautiful depiction of God’s love. His love was so big that He desired to share it with someone. That is why God created man and woman. Not only did He create them to love Him, He also created them to love each other.
In Genesis 2:18, it says, Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep, and He took one of his ribs to create Eve. She was to be the perfect match for her husband.
Betrayal entered the scene in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve sinned. They turned their backs on God in an effort to please their own selfish desires. The result was that they were cursed and thrown out of paradise.
Betrayal is Theft
We don’t often think of betrayal and theft as being the same, but they really are. This is especially true when you think of your covenant rights within your marriage. As your husband’s wife, you have the right to his faithfulness within the boundaries of your marriage. But once he has been unfaithful, so much is stolen from you. You lose:
Your sense of peace
Your sense of well-being
Your joy
You could eventually end up losing your home, some of your friends, and time with your children. So much is lost after an affair, and it can be difficult to pick up the pieces and move on.
Moving on From Betrayal With Christian Marriage Coaching and Counseling
Fortunately, there is healing in store for you if you have been betrayed as a result of your husband’s affair. As a Christian marriage coach and counselor, I have worked with many women who are facing the same situation. Betrayal is the worst sin, but it’s not something that cannot be overcome with God’s love.
I can help you work through the feelings you’re experiencing after your husband’s affair. If you have decided to reconcile, I can help with that as well. Pleasecontact me through my website. You can also email me at hello@drcarolerb.com or call me at 843-379-0288.
Recovering after an affair is a long process. But together, we can seek God and His will for your life and your marriage.
There is one question I get asked all the time. Once a wife has discovered that her husband has been unfaithful, she says, “Carol, he has told me that he’s ended the affair, but how can I trust him?”
Quite honestly, the answer is that you can’t. You can’t believe words; you can only believe behaviors and actions. I have found that there are few husbands who will be completely honest about being unfaithful until they have been caught. If they knew what the consequences of their actions would be – their lies, their deception, their infidelity and their cheating – they would have avoided it at all costs.
Usually, husbands will minimize what they’ve done. They’ll say things like:
• “We were just friends.”
• “It was an emotional affair.”
• “It wasn’t sexual.”
• “We only had sex a few times.”
There aren’t many husbands who are honest about disclosing the details of an affair, and there are a few reasons for this.
1. He wants to protect himself. He may tell you that he’s trying to protect you, but that isn’t true at all. He’s trying to protect himself.
2. He wants to avoid any further consequences because of his behavior.
3. He’s very concerned about looking good. That’s why he’s not being honest about what he has done.
Numbers 32:23 says, Be sure, your sin will find you out.
There is so much truth in that verse.
I once had a client, and we had disclosed that there had been an infidelity. The husband assured his wife that he had told her everything there was to tell her. However, as we continued to work together, he became convicted because he had only dribbled the truth out, bit by bit. Finally, he admitted that he hadn’t been totally honest.
Her response was, “You burned the house down once; and now you’ve burned it down again.” What she meant was that they had started to rebuild on a brand new foundation, and because he hadn’t been completely honest with her, they had to start all over again.
Complete openness and honesty are the only solutions for ending an affair and rebuilding your trust in your husband and in your marriage. Ladies, it’s not the honesty that causes us pain. It’s the dishonesty. It’s not the truth that drives you crazy. It’s the deception.
Most husbands think that their wives can’t handle the truth, and beneath that, lies manipulation and disrespect. You have already been victimized by his infidelity, but by not getting the truth about his behaviors, you’re being victimized twice.
God has given you intuition, and once the truth comes out, everything else begins to become clear. This is exactly what happened to me. My husband would come home at night and I knew things weren’t right. Finally, I looked at him and said, “You’re here, but not really.” Once I discovered his infidelity, all the pieces of the puzzle started to fit together. Everything became clear.
Your husband is in no place to bargain; especially if he is serious about wanting to rebuild your trust. This relationship with his lover must end for life, and there is a way to do it.
You end an affair with one, final phone call.
For your phone call, he calls his lover, and he puts you on speakerphone. He lets her know that you’re there. This is his final goodbye to her, and he needs to state that he’s been selfish, and that he cares about you and his family. He needs to tell her that he’s going to do everything he can to protect his family. Then he tells her that he is rebuilding his marriage and he’s ending his relationship with her forever.
There will be no more phone calls, text messages, Facebook messages or face-to-face meetings with her. They will never see each other again. He does not mention anything to her about the hurt this may have caused her or how sorry he is. He ends the phone call at that point.
This phone call begins the process of you believing that he is finished with his lover, and solely focused on working on your marriage. Please understand that this is only the first step. It’s going to take many other steps of consistently and persistently rebuilding your trust, but this is how you can know for sure that he has ended the affair.
Have you recently found out that your husband has been having an affair? My job is to help Christian women heal from broken trust, fulfilling their desire to be valued, secure and fully loved. I would love to help you. Please feel free to contact me by emailing me at hello@drcarolerb.com, or book a complimentary call to see how I might best support you, and let’s set up a time to talk about the challenges you’re facing.
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