Your Spouse’s Affair Isn’t Your Fault – Here’s Why

When a woman’s husband has an affair, it is very easy – and sometimes almost second nature – for her to blame herself. This is extremely normal, but it is not a correct assumption by any means. It can be easy to fall into the trap of playing the “blame game,” which is something that a lot of women do after learning of a marriage betrayal.

Today, I want you to know and understand that your husband’s affair is not your fault. The blame lies with him completely. Let’s talk about why.

Outside Voices Can Contribute to the Blame Game

It is possible that once you learned about your husband’s affair, and you shared it with others, they had plenty to say in response. Many women find that they hear many of the following questions and statements:

  • Maybe you should try dressing sexier for him.
  • Have you been withholding sex from your husband?
  • Did you make sure you made his favorite meals for dinner?
  • All you need to do is go out on more dates with each other.
  • Have you tried having daily devotions with your husband?
  • Maybe you could drop a few pounds so that he finds you more attractive?

These questions and statements can do so much damage, and they are largely why so many women blame themselves for their husband’s affairs. These outside voices are dangerous, so it is wise to keep talking to friends and family about the affair at a minimum.

You Feel Responsible for Your Husband’s Repentance

Because they have played the “blame game,” many women begin to believe the lie that they are responsible for their husbands’ repentance. They may take steps such as, setting up counseling appointments, buying their husbands self-help books or setting up a time for their husbands to meet with pastoral staff. These can all be helpful, of course, but in taking these actions, women are denying themselves the time they need to work through the healing process.

You are not responsible for your husband’s repentance to God or to you. It is up to him to make the necessary changes in his own life, if that is what he chooses to do.

Moving Past Accepting Fault and Into Healing from Marriage Betrayal

Have you caught yourself accepting the blame for your husband’s infidelity? This is so easy to do, but the fault is not yours, nor is it your job to fix the situation. It is wise to seek the advice of someone who understands what you are going through and who can provide you with the Biblical guidance and direction you need during this difficult time in your life.

As a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor, I have worked with many women to do just that. You can make an appointment with me by emailing me at, or by sending me a message through my contact page.

The Word of God is filled with instances of God’s healing power. It is available to you as well, and I would love to help you experience it.

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