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How to Move Beyond a Husband’s Betrayal

How to Move Beyond a Husband’s Betrayal

Your husband’s betrayal was an event that hurt you unlike anything else you’ve ever experienced. That anger, jealousy and hurt you feel is completely normal, but it can feel like it never ends. More than anything, you would love to be able to put it behind you. But you can’t help but wonder how you can move beyond your husband’s betrayal. At first, it can seem impossible. 

Of course, we know that in Luke 1:37, it says, For the Word of God will never fail. Nothing is impossible with God, and everything is possible for the person who believes. You can move on and put your husband’s betrayal behind you. It won’t be easy, and it is a process, but it can be done. 

Let’s talk in more detail about the steps you can take to move beyond your husband’s betrayal. 

 

Step One: Refuse to Live in Denial 

So many women are unable to move beyond their husbands’ betrayal simply because they remain in denial. In their minds, they refuse to believe that any of this is happening to them. They may make up excuses about their husbands’ behavior such as: 

  •     He said it only happened one time, and I believe him.
  •     He was under a lot of stress and made a bad decision.
  •     He loves me and he would never do anything to really hurt me.

Do any of those sound familiar to you? 

Healing after an affair is possible, but you must be willing to face the reality of what has happened within your marriage. This is going to stir up a lot of difficult feelings, so be prepared for them. But on the other side of them is more healing than you could have ever imagined possible. 

Step Two: Make a Decision About Your Intentions 

Once you’ve come to terms with what has happened, the next step is to determine what you both want. You may find that you want to reconcile and he does not. Or, it could be the other way around. Sometimes both marital partners want to reconcile, and that’s fantastic news! 

Moving on is only possible once you know the goal you’re working towards. Once you know that, you can take the next steps to heal from your husband’s affair. 

 

Step Three: Begin Working With a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor 

You may belong to an amazing church with a lot of support for couples who have gone through an affair. But you deserve a more personalized approach in a professional setting. I highly recommend Christian marriage coaching and counseling for someone in your situation. 

I have been working with couples and women for many years who have gone through an affair. For those who wanted to reconcile, they often discovered a love for one another that they never knew was there. For women who separated and eventually divorced, the Lord spoke incredible healing into their lives. In both instances, they learned how to move beyond their husbands’ betrayal. 

I offer free consultations to help you determine if we would be a good fit. You may contact me through my website, or email me at hello@drcarolerb.com. 

I know the challenges you’re facing right now are difficult. But this is not something you need to go through on your own. I know that together, we can seek and find God’s will for you and for your marriage. 

 

Can Betrayal Be Forgiven?

If you have been wounded by your spouse’s affair, you are probably experiencing a gamut of emotions. It’s normal for you to feel angry, upset and hurt by what they did to you. In fact, it may seem as though there’s no possible way for you to forgive your spouse Many individuals find themselves asking, can betrayal be forgiven? I’d like you to know that it is possible to forgive him for what they did. What’s more, the two of you may be able to move past the affair and have a marriage that’s stronger than it was before. 

But of course, these changes don’t happen overnight. Healing and recovering after an affair is a process that takes time. It can be done, and it happens more easily for believers when they take the time to seek out what God’s Word says about it. 

Spend Time With the Lord 

First and foremost, you must spend time with God. This is the most important step and it’s one that many individuals forget to take – even those who are believers. But everything you need for healing and restoration resides with Him and His presence. 

In Deuteronomy 31:8, it says, The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. In Psalm 23:4, it says, Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. 

These are just a few examples of God’s love and comfort. His Word is filled with them. Spending time with God allows Him to love on you and give you the peace and wisdom you need for the journey ahead. 

Have Your Spouse Disclose the Affair 

At some point, you will want to talk with your spouse about the affair in more detail. You most likely have a lot of questions, and your spouse should be more than willing to answer them. 

Once your spouse discloses information about the affair, you’re going to need a lot of support. You may want to consider waiting to do this until you’re working with a professional who specializes in this type of counseling. That way, that person can guide you through the process. 

Determine Your Spouse’s Willingness to Repair Your Marriage 

Getting an answer to the question: “Can betrayal be forgiven?” means taking steps toward reconciliation, if that’s something you both want. You may be dreading asking your your spouse if they have a desire to work through the affair and reconcile with you; mostly because you’re afraid of the answer. But this is something that you need to know, and you deserve to know what they want. If your spouse is willing to repair your marriage, you can move forward together. If not, you will need to work through all of the feelings that come with being separated and eventually divorced. Forgiveness will be a major part of that, regardless of what path you both choose. 

Talk with a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor About Forgiving Your Spouse’s Betrayal 

As a Christian marriage coach and counselor, I’ve worked with many couples as they sought forgiveness for the spouse’s betrayal. It was not an easy road to travel, but because they followed God’s Word, many of those marriages were restored. They experienced the type of forgiveness that can only come from God, and they are stronger couples as a result. 

I offer free consultations to individuals and couples who have gone through the betrayal of an affair. I would love the chance to talk with you about your situation and determine if working together would be a good fit. Feel free to contact me through my website or email me at hello@drcarolerb.com. 

Can betrayal be forgiven? Yes, it can. I know that forgiving your spouse might seem impossible right now. But nothing is impossible with God, and I know that together, we can seek and find His will for your life and marriage. 

Betrayal is the Worst Sin in Marriage

Betrayal is known as the worst sin in marriage and for good reason. There are many different types of betrayals, such as: 

  •     A husband having an affair
  •     A friend turning his back on another person
  •     A child who becomes wayward
  •     A parent who turns to drugs or alcohol

You may be all-too familiar with the first item on that list, and you’ve never felt such a deep sense of betrayal. In Proverbs 6:32, it says, But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself. 

The Bible also says that God hates divorce in Malachi 2:16. While that is true, it also means that it is His ultimate desire for your marriage to be saved. 

Right now, your husband’s affair is probably constantly on your mind. Let’s talk about why betrayal is the worst sin in marriage that a person can commit. 

The Beauty of God’s Design for Relationships 

In Genesis 2, we see a beautiful depiction of God’s love. His love was so big that He desired to share it with someone. That is why God created man and woman. Not only did He create them to love Him, He also created them to love each other. 

In Genesis 2:18, it says, Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep, and He took one of his ribs to create Eve. She was to be the perfect match for her husband. 

Betrayal entered the scene in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve sinned. They turned their backs on God in an effort to please their own selfish desires. The result was that they were cursed and thrown out of paradise. 

Betrayal is Theft 

We don’t often think of betrayal and theft as being the same, but they really are. This is especially true when you think of your covenant rights within your marriage. As your husband’s wife, you have the right to his faithfulness within the boundaries of your marriage. But once he has been unfaithful, so much is stolen from you. You lose:

  •     Your sense of peace
  •     Your sense of well-being
  •     Your joy

You could eventually end up losing your home, some of your friends, and time with your children. So much is lost after an affair, and it can be difficult to pick up the pieces and move on. 

Moving on From Betrayal With Christian Marriage Coaching and Counseling 

Fortunately, there is healing in store for you if you have been betrayed as a result of your husband’s affair. As a Christian marriage coach and counselor, I have worked with many women who are facing the same situation. Betrayal is the worst sin,  but it’s not something that cannot be overcome with God’s love. 

I can help you work through the feelings you’re experiencing after your husband’s affair. If you have decided to reconcile, I can help with that as well. Please contact me through my website. You can also email me at hello@drcarolerb.com or call me at 843-379-0288. 

Recovering after an affair is a long process. But together, we can seek God and His will for your life and your marriage. 

 

Your Husband’s Accountability Helps Rebuild Trust

Your Husband’s Accountability Helps Rebuild Trust

Accountability is one of the most important parts of rebuilding trust in your marriage after an affair. If you’re a woman whose husband has been unfaithful, and you’ve decided to look to God to heal your marriage, this is one tool that you can’t ignore. It will be so helpful for both of you to know that your husband’s accountability helps rebuild trust.

If this is a new concept to you, I’d like to take a moment and share more about it. That way, you will understand how it is supposed to work, and what the expected outcome should be.

Choosing the Right Accountability Partners

In Hebrews 10:24-25, it says, “And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another – and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”

The Word of God encourages all of us to have accountability partners; people who will support us, guide us and direct us. With that in mind, how much more important to have someone your husband can rely on to keep him accountable? The only question is, how does your husband choose someone to fill that role?

It’s best for your husband to avoid choosing a family member, such as a parent or a father-in-law. The best accountability partners do not have any emotional ties to the situation at all. Your husband should choose men who are farther ahead in their walks with Jesus. This might be a role that your pastor could fill, or perhaps there’s someone in your church whom your husband has always admired for their relationship with God.

The Conditions of Accountability

While it is up to your husband who he chooses, he should be willing to allow you to approve or disapprove of his choice. You should feel comfortable with his accountability partner.  If you don’t, he should have no problem choosing someone else. Your husband needs to look for an accountability partner who is more mature and ahead of him spiritually.

In addition, an accountability partner needs to be ahead of your husband on their recovery journey.  It’s helpful if this man can help your husband work through the pitfalls he’ll encounter.  And your husband knows that you need to have an open line of communication with his accountability partner. That means that you should be able to call them at any time you may have a question or need an update on your husband’s progress.

What Does Staying Accountable Look Like?

Once your husband has chosen an accountability partner, he needs to connect with that person on a regular basis. It might be very tempting for him to ignore the relationship from time to time simply because he might not feel comfortable sharing and becoming vulnerable with another man. Many husbands may push back on this, but those who do typically have something to hide.

It’s best to talk about what you envision as accountability before the process even begins. As for yourself, how will you know if your husband is staying accountable? You may feel as though weekly meetings are sufficient, or even weekly phone calls. Maybe you would prefer for him to connect with his partner face-to-face once a week, and then have an additional phone call at another time.

No matter what you envision, your husband needs to be willing to accommodate that. He must remember that his accountability helps rebuild trust. The best part is that having an accountability partner may help him to cultivate a lifelong friendship. This friendship is one that he might not have had otherwise. Sharing with another Christian man who can hold him up and encourage him is vital in his healing journey.

Moving From Betrayal to Healing

Rebuilding trust after a betrayal can be so difficult, and yet, it can be so rewarding at the same time. So many couples have found healing for their marriages because they took the time to seek the Lord and His will for their lives. Your husband’s willingness to be accountable helps rebuild trust and that accountability can’t be minimized or ignored.

From Betrayal to Healing can take you through the process of healing and helps by providing accountability for rebuilding trust. These resources are built upon the Word of God. I believe that together, we can find the healing you are seeking.

God can restore your marriage. He will use the truth in His Word, accountability and His never-ending love to accomplish more than you could ever ask or imagine.

Staying Transparent After An Affair

Staying Transparent After An Affair

Transparency is non-negotiable after a betrayal if you intend to rebuild the trust in your marriage. You husband’s staying transparent after an affair won’t come naturally to him. But it’s something he can work on. And, together, you can experience the beautiful changes that come into your marriage as a result.

There’s a reason why Solomon wrote in Proverbs 24:26, “An honest answer is like a kiss on the lips.” Once an affair has made its way into your marriage, complete and total transparency (honesty) is a major part of the “glue” that will bring you back together. Let’s talk about what that looks like in more detail.

What is Transparency?

Transparency is best described by taking a look at its first appearance in the Bible; in the Garden of Eden. Genesis 2:25 says, “Adam and his wife were both naked, and they felt no shame.” The ultimate form of transparency is when a husband and wife are hiding nothing. But your husband’s affair was anything but transparent.  If fact your husband has become the exact opposite of that.

Being transparent means a few things:

  • No more lies being told.
  • No more secrets being kept.
  • No defensiveness when questions are asked.
  • No vague responses to questions.
  • No keeping any type of news from your spouse, whatsoever.

Of course, this also trickles down into every area of your lives. That means not having any secret bank accounts or social media accounts. It means sharing passwords for everything.  And never clearing the history on your phone or computer.

When a husband has spent so much time and energy hiding information, staying transparent after an affair is difficult. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t possible.

Providing Details Help in Staying Transparent after an Affair

As the betrayed wife, it’s understandable that you have questions. You may have questions about the affair itself.  Or, you may feel suspicious and “grill” your husband after a long day at the office. This is completely normal, and there’s a good reason for this behavior. You feel the way that you do because of his betrayal.

Husband, if your wife is constantly asking questions, it’s because she has doubts. She doesn’t feel as though she’s getting all the information she needs. For you, giving your wife as many details as possible can prevent long, drawn-out interrogations. Let your wife be the judge as far as how much she wants to know, and answer all of her questions with complete and total honesty.

It’s often easier for husbands to leave out details because they feel that they’re protecting their wives. But this actually hurts her more than the truth ever could. Wives don’t want their husbands hiding anything from them.  It’s only in total transparency that forgiveness and healing can take place.

Staying Transparent After an Affair Leads to Emotional Connection

Once you have reached the place where your husband is being transparent with you, you may find that you’re still disappointed. However, no matter how much he tells you, there will always be a desire to learn more. You’ll never be able to make complete sense of what your husband has done. But that doesn’t mean your marriage can’t be healed. And, it doesn’t mean that your trust can’t be restored.

In 1 Corinthians 4:5, Paul says, “He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of the heart.” The truth always comes to light. And when it does, amazing things happen to God’s children.

Staying transparent after an affair is the best way for your husband to restore emotional intimacy with you. It allows him to connect with you on levels you may not have ever experienced before. When your husband is honest with you, he provides you with details and answers your questions. Then, God can work in your marriage. He can work in your husband too. God will provide the type of healing that only He can.

Moving From Betrayal to Healing

Right now, it may not seem as though healing is in store for you or your marriage. Even if you and your husband have decided to reconcile, the road ahead may seem long, and frankly, impossible to maneuver. It is, but only if you walk it alone.

I created From Betrayal to Healing for women like you. Unfortunately, we live in a fallen world, and affairs are much too common; even among Christians. But these resources can provide you with the support and help you need from a Biblical perspective.

The guidance you need to get through this troubling time is available. Together, we can seek God’s will for your marriage and start the healing process He intends for you to experience.

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