My Spouse Cheated: What is My First Step Biblically?

If you have recently learned that your has had an affair, you may be in a state of shock. There are many emotions that you will experience, and probably already have experienced. But for Christians, knowing what their first step should be Biblically is critical.

This is a very difficult time in your life, but God’s Word is filled with answers for every dilemma we face. Let’s talk about that all-important first step and why it should never be skipped.

Your First Step After Discovering a Betrayal: Prayer

There is a good reason why in Matthew 11:28, Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” There is nothing that causes a woman to become “weary and burdened” like learning about her husband’s affair. Before you talk with your husband about what happened or make any decisions at all, it is so important for you to bring your concerns before the Lord.

When you do bring this to God, I want to encourage you to be 100% honest with Him about how you are feeling. This is so important because sharing your heart with the Lord is vital for the healing process. Remember, He already knows what you are feeling and experiencing. Nothing is a secret to your Heavenly Father. So there is no need for you to try to disguise the pain you are going through.

Healing after a betrayal is a process, regardless of whether you decide together to try to save your marriage, or you begin working toward a separation. Continue to come to God regularly with your pain. Ultimately, He is the one who does the healing in you, and He will comfort and strengthen you for anything that lies ahead.

Biblically Confronting Your Spouse After an Affair

Once you are ready, you can move forward with confronting your spouse about their infidelity. You probably have a lot of questions for them, and these are answers you need and deserve to have. For example, you may want to know:

  • How long has the affair been going on?
  • How did you meet the person you had the affair with?
  • How did you communicate with each other?
  • Is this why we stopped having sex?

It can be helpful to have this conversation with your spouse in the presence of a trusted third party. This can be someone like a pastor or an elder in your church. Or, you may want to consider working with a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor who has experience in this area.

Healing After Spouse’s Affair – Christian Marriage Counseling

As I mentioned earlier, it is never a good idea to go into dealing with the aftermath of an affair without prayer or by yourself without a third party present. As a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor, I have helped both women and couples work through marriage betrayals. My approach focuses on the Word of God, prayer and solid, Biblical wisdom from someone who has personally experienced infidelity in my own marriage in the past.

If you would like to make an appointment with me, you can do so by emailing me at, or by filling out the information on my contact page.

Learning that your spouse has cheated can be so difficult. But this is not something you should try and figure out by yourself. Together, we can come before our Heavenly Father and seek His will for you and for your marriage.

Pin It on Pinterest

Share This