My Spouse Cheated: What is My First Step Biblically?
If you have recently learned that your has had an affair, you may be in a state of shock. There are many emotions that you will experience, and probably already have experienced. But for Christians, knowing what their first step should be Biblically is critical.
This is a very difficult time in your life, but God’s Word is filled with answers for every dilemma we face. Let’s talk about that all-important first step and why it should never be skipped.
Your First Step After Discovering a Betrayal: Prayer
There is a good reason why in Matthew 11:28, Jesus said, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” There is nothing that causes a woman to become “weary and burdened” like learning about her husband’s affair. Before you talk with your husband about what happened or make any decisions at all, it is so important for you to bring your concerns before the Lord.
When you do bring this to God, I want to encourage you to be 100% honest with Him about how you are feeling. This is so important because sharing your heart with the Lord is vital for the healing process. Remember, He already knows what you are feeling and experiencing. Nothing is a secret to your Heavenly Father. So there is no need for you to try to disguise the pain you are going through.
Healing after a betrayal is a process, regardless of whether you decide together to try to save your marriage, or you begin working toward a separation. Continue to come to God regularly with your pain. Ultimately, He is the one who does the healing in you, and He will comfort and strengthen you for anything that lies ahead.
Biblically Confronting Your Spouse After an Affair
Once you are ready, you can move forward with confronting your spouse about their infidelity. You probably have a lot of questions for them, and these are answers you need and deserve to have. For example, you may want to know:
How long has the affair been going on?
How did you meet the person you had the affair with?
How did you communicate with each other?
Is this why we stopped having sex?
It can be helpful to have this conversation with your spouse in the presence of a trusted third party. This can be someone like a pastor or an elder in your church. Or, you may want to consider working with a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor who has experience in this area.
Healing After Spouse’s Affair – Christian Marriage Counseling
As I mentioned earlier, it is never a good idea to go into dealing with the aftermath of an affair without prayer or by yourself without a third party present. As a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor, I have helped both women and couples work through marriage betrayals. My approach focuses on the Word of God, prayer and solid, Biblical wisdom from someone who has personally experienced infidelity in my own marriage in the past.
If you would like to make an appointment with me, you can do so by emailing me at hello@drcarolerb.com, or by filling out the information on my contact page.
Learning that your spouse has cheated can be so difficult. But this is not something you should try and figure out by yourself. Together, we can come before our Heavenly Father and seek His will for you and for your marriage.
Your husband’s betrayal was an event that hurt you unlike anything else you’ve ever experienced. That anger, jealousy and hurt you feel is completely normal, but it can feel like it never ends. More than anything, you would love to be able to put it behind you. But you can’t help but wonder how you can move beyond your husband’s betrayal. At first, it can seem impossible.
Of course, we know that in Luke 1:37, it says, For the Word of God will never fail. Nothing is impossible with God, and everything is possible for the person who believes. You can move on and put your husband’s betrayal behind you. It won’t be easy, and it is a process, but it can be done.
Let’s talk in more detail about the steps you can take to move beyond your husband’s betrayal.
Step One: Refuse to Live in Denial
So many women are unable to move beyond their husbands’ betrayal simply because they remain in denial. In their minds, they refuse to believe that any of this is happening to them. They may make up excuses about their husbands’ behavior such as:
He said it only happened one time, and I believe him.
He was under a lot of stress and made a bad decision.
He loves me and he would never do anything to really hurt me.
Do any of those sound familiar to you?
Healing after an affair is possible, but you must be willing to face the reality of what has happened within your marriage. This is going to stir up a lot of difficult feelings, so be prepared for them. But on the other side of them is more healing than you could have ever imagined possible.
Step Two: Make a Decision About Your Intentions
Once you’ve come to terms with what has happened, the next step is to determine what you both want. You may find that you want to reconcile and he does not. Or, it could be the other way around. Sometimes both marital partners want to reconcile, and that’s fantastic news!
Moving on is only possible once you know the goal you’re working towards. Once you know that, you can take the next steps to heal from your husband’s affair.
Step Three: Begin Working With a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor
You may belong to an amazing church with a lot of support for couples who have gone through an affair. But you deserve a more personalized approach in a professional setting. I highly recommend Christian marriage coaching and counseling for someone in your situation.
I have been working with couples and women for many years who have gone through an affair. For those who wanted to reconcile, they often discovered a love for one another that they never knew was there. For women who separated and eventually divorced, the Lord spoke incredible healing into their lives. In both instances, they learned how to move beyond their husbands’ betrayal.
I offer free consultations to help you determine if we would be a good fit. You maycontact me through my website, or email me at hello@drcarolerb.com.
I know the challenges you’re facing right now are difficult. But this is not something you need to go through on your own. I know that together, we can seek and find God’s will for you and for your marriage.
If you have been wounded by your spouse’s affair, you are probably experiencing a gamut of emotions. It’s normal for you to feel angry, upset and hurt by what they did to you. In fact, it may seem as though there’s no possible way for you to forgive your spouse Many individuals find themselves asking, can betrayal be forgiven? I’d like you to know that it is possible to forgive him for what they did. What’s more, the two of you may be able to move past the affair and have a marriage that’s stronger than it was before.
But of course, these changes don’t happen overnight. Healing and recovering after an affair is a process that takes time. It can be done, and it happens more easily for believers when they take the time to seek out what God’s Word says about it.
Spend Time With the Lord
First and foremost, you must spend time with God. This is the most important step and it’s one that many individuals forget to take – even those who are believers. But everything you need for healing and restoration resides with Him and His presence.
In Deuteronomy 31:8, it says, The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. In Psalm 23:4, it says, Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.
These are just a few examples of God’s love and comfort. His Word is filled with them. Spending time with God allows Him to love on you and give you the peace and wisdom you need for the journey ahead.
Have Your Spouse Disclose the Affair
At some point, you will want to talk with your spouse about the affair in more detail. You most likely have a lot of questions, and your spouse should be more than willing to answer them.
Once your spouse discloses information about the affair, you’re going to need a lot of support. You may want to consider waiting to do this until you’re working with a professional who specializes in this type of counseling. That way, that person can guide you through the process.
Determine Your Spouse’s Willingness to Repair Your Marriage
Getting an answer to the question: “Can betrayal be forgiven?” means taking steps toward reconciliation, if that’s something you both want. You may be dreading asking your your spouse if they have a desire to work through the affair and reconcile with you; mostly because you’re afraid of the answer. But this is something that you need to know, and you deserve to know what they want.If your spouse is willing to repair your marriage, you can move forward together. If not, you will need to work through all of the feelings that come with being separated and eventually divorced. Forgiveness will be a major part of that, regardless of what path you both choose.
Talk with a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor About Forgiving Your Spouse’s Betrayal
As a Christian marriage coach and counselor, I’ve worked with many couples as they sought forgiveness for the spouse’s betrayal. It was not an easy road to travel, but because they followed God’s Word, many of those marriages were restored. They experienced the type of forgiveness that can only come from God, and they are stronger couples as a result.
I offer free consultations to individuals and couples who have gone through the betrayal of an affair. I would love the chance to talk with you about your situation and determine if working together would be a good fit. Feel free tocontact me through my website or email me at hello@drcarolerb.com.
Can betrayal be forgiven? Yes, it can. I know that forgiving your spouse might seem impossible right now. But nothing is impossible with God, and I know that together, we can seek and find His will for your life and marriage.
Betrayal is known as the worst sin in marriage and for good reason. There are many different types of betrayals, such as:
A husband having an affair
A friend turning his back on another person
A child who becomes wayward
A parent who turns to drugs or alcohol
You may be all-too familiar with the first item on that list, and you’ve never felt such a deep sense of betrayal. In Proverbs 6:32, it says, But a man who commits adultery has no sense; whoever does so destroys himself.
The Bible also says that God hates divorce in Malachi 2:16. While that is true, it also means that it is His ultimate desire for your marriage to be saved.
Right now, your husband’s affair is probably constantly on your mind. Let’s talk about why betrayal is the worst sin in marriage that a person can commit.
The Beauty of God’s Design for Relationships
In Genesis 2, we see a beautiful depiction of God’s love. His love was so big that He desired to share it with someone. That is why God created man and woman. Not only did He create them to love Him, He also created them to love each other.
In Genesis 2:18, it says, Then the Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” God caused Adam to fall into a deep sleep, and He took one of his ribs to create Eve. She was to be the perfect match for her husband.
Betrayal entered the scene in the Garden of Eden when Adam and Eve sinned. They turned their backs on God in an effort to please their own selfish desires. The result was that they were cursed and thrown out of paradise.
Betrayal is Theft
We don’t often think of betrayal and theft as being the same, but they really are. This is especially true when you think of your covenant rights within your marriage. As your husband’s wife, you have the right to his faithfulness within the boundaries of your marriage. But once he has been unfaithful, so much is stolen from you. You lose:
Your sense of peace
Your sense of well-being
Your joy
You could eventually end up losing your home, some of your friends, and time with your children. So much is lost after an affair, and it can be difficult to pick up the pieces and move on.
Moving on From Betrayal With Christian Marriage Coaching and Counseling
Fortunately, there is healing in store for you if you have been betrayed as a result of your husband’s affair. As a Christian marriage coach and counselor, I have worked with many women who are facing the same situation. Betrayal is the worst sin, but it’s not something that cannot be overcome with God’s love.
I can help you work through the feelings you’re experiencing after your husband’s affair. If you have decided to reconcile, I can help with that as well. Pleasecontact me through my website. You can also email me at hello@drcarolerb.com or call me at 843-379-0288.
Recovering after an affair is a long process. But together, we can seek God and His will for your life and your marriage.
Discovering that your husband has been unfaithful can have a devastating effect on your self worth. Your self-esteem can take a drastic hit that can cause you to have difficulty thinking clearly, and as a result, so many women tend to end up blaming themselves for their marriages falling apart.
Perhaps this is how you have been feeling lately, and even though others have told you that it’s not your fault, you can’t help but think that it is. You may catch yourself time and time again playing the “If only…” game.
If only I had paid him more compliments.
If only I hadn’t been so unreasonable.
If only I was prettier.
If only I was thinner.
If only I was funnier.
If only I was more fun to be around.
In essence, you are beginning to think that you’re not good enough; not for your husband, and certainly not for yourself.
THE TRUTH ABOUT WHO YOU ARE
As Christian women, we do ourselves a disservice when we forget about what the Word of God says about who we are in Christ. God’s Word is powerful, and true, and upon studying it, we learn that:
Colossians 2:10 says that you are complete in Him who is the Head of all principality and power.
Ephesians 2:5 says that you are alive with Christ.
1 John 5:18 says that you are born of God, and the evil one does not touch me.
Ephesians 1:4 says that I you are holy and without blame before Him in love.
1 Corinthians 2:16 says that you have the mind of Christ.
1 John 4:4 says that you have the Greater One living in me; greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world.
Ephesians 2:10 says that you are God’s workmanship, created in Christ unto good works.
There is no denying who God says you are, and anything that whispers in your ear and tells you that you’re less than His best is from the enemy.
PRACTICAL WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR SELF-WORTH
It’s not enough to read through the Bible and see the truth about who you are one time. This is something you need to get down into your spirit, and it can help to know some practical ways that you can improve your self-worth. Finding out that your husband has been having an affair is an incredible blow to your self-esteem and self-worth. One of the reasons this occurs because you feel like you’ve lost control. The time to start rebuilding your self-worth is now, and there are a few things you can do:
Stop blaming yourself for what happened, and every time you start to place the blame on you, take notice, and correct yourself.
Don’t compare yourself to the other woman. This will only lead to more negative thoughts about your self worth.
Prayerfully consider what you want your future to look like, and what your goals are for your marriage. Keep those in front of you.
Take time for yourself to properly care for yourself and your own needs.
Consider getting help from a Christian marriage coach who will lead you according to God’s Word and help you understand the steps you need to take next.
The road you’re on is a difficult one to navigate all on your own. If you would like to reach me you can email me at hello@drcarolerb.com . Or if you would like to speak with me you can schedule a time for us to talk. I would love to support you. .
Learning about your spouse has cheated on you has led to a flurry of emotional responses, and all of them are very normal. The shock you felt when you first found out eventually gave way to confusion and sadness, and then it led to anger. However, now, you’re beginning to feel hopeless and even disconnected from the outside world. You’re concerned that what you’re really experiencing is depression, and that thought might scare you.
Depression is a very natural response when you’ve spouse has cheated on you. However, it’s generally not something that’s long-lasting. It’s possible that you’re not really sure if what you’re feeling and experiencing is depression, but there are a few signs you can look for to determine if it is.
SIGNS OF DEPRESSION AFTER YOUR SPOUSE CHEATED ON YOU
Depression is caused by all kinds of things, but it can certainly set in for a period of time if you’ve been cheated on in your marriage. The following are some of the signs you can look for to help you understand if what you’re experiencing is sadness, or depression:
Changes in your mood – Feeling anxious, hopeless, feelings of apathy, guilt and mood swings
Changes in your sleeping patterns – Waking up earlier than normal, feeling fatigued all day long, having insomnia or restless sleep
Changes in your body – Feeling excessively hunger or having no appetite at all, feeling tired, or feeling restless
Changes in your behavior – Getting agitated easily, crying, feeling irritable or wanting to isolate yourself socially
Changes in your mind – Finding it difficult to concentrate, responding to other slowly
You may also experience weight gain or weight loss, and that is an indicator of depression as well.
FINDING COMFORT IN GOD
More than anything, God longs for you to turn to Him during this difficult time in your life. His heart is broken because of the hopelessness and despair you may be feeling, and He wants nothing more than to wrap His arms around you and help you to heal. God’s Word is very clear about what He desires for you if you’re feeling depression setting in.
Matthew 11:28-30 says, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.”
1 Peter 5:7 says, “Cast all your anxieties on Him, because He cares for you.”
Isaiah 41:10 says, “Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”
All throughout God’s Word, there are promises for you to cling to. God has nothing but good plans for your life, and while He didn’t promise us that there would never be trials for us to endure, He did promise us that He would be with us through them all.
GETTING HELP FROM A PROFESSIONAL
God is just waiting for you to turn to Him. His arms are open for you, but sometimes it requires the help and support of a professional to allow you to work through the thoughts and feelings that are contributing to depression. Talking with a Christian Marriage Coach and is a really good way to learn more about what God’s Word says about your situation, and it can help you work through your pain in ways that will only lead to good things for your life.
If you would like to schedule an appointment with me, I’d love to hear from you. Please contact me at 843-379-0288, or you can use my convenient online scheduler to make an appointment as well.
Remember, depression is not here to stay. With God’s help, all things are possible; even healing when struggling with depression after your spouse cheated on you.
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