Social media is everywhere you look. First it infiltrated computers, and now it has infiltrated our phones and other mobile devices as well. But if your husband has had an affair, it’s natural for you to feel skeptical about every type of interaction he has with another person; whether those interactions are in person or online. You’ll naturally want to know the right way to manage social media after an affair.
The reality is that after an affair, there must be a policy of total openness and honesty. If you feel your husband is hiding anything, you can’t build trust. Moving forward you will need access to everything and should have the ability to access what was otherwise considered private.
Fortunately, there are things that can be done to help. This article is mainly about social media. However, not only does your husband need to give you access to his social media accounts, he also will need to give you access to his email accounts, cell phone, computer, iPad, wallet, bank account and safety deposit box just a name a few. The bottom line is your husband has just lost his privacy. Let’s talk about that some more.
Surrendering Social Media
Truthfully, a new way to cheat was invented when social media came about. Suddenly, people started spending extended periods of time on their computers and phones, connecting with people from their past. It’s not surprising that many of those connections are old flames.
For husbands, the answer to avoid getting caught in the social media trap is to surrender it altogether. It might not be easy because websites like Facebook, Twitter and Instagram can cause an addiction to lust in some cases. But your trust was destroyed by your husband’s affair and your heart needs to be protected. Disappearing from social media is one way that trust can be rebuilt in your marriage. This is especially true if the affair began because of social media.
Installing Filtering and Monitoring
When a husband’s affair begins on social media, you will be worried about him continuing to use these sites on his devices. One of the fastest ways to begin rebuilding trust is to install an internet filter and monitoring software on all devices. You will have the ability to block sites, keywords and various domains.
Monitoring software records internet history. A report with internet usage will be created and can be emailed to your husband’s accountability partner(s). It is helpful for you to receive a report as well. Do be aware that often these programs can sometimes show a “false positive.” If this happens it’s important to observe your husband’s reactions. If he’s genuinely concerned fine. If he get’s angry and defensive, that’s a red flag.
You can easily determine if installing filtering and monitoring software is the right path for you by reviewing information on Google. Examples of software monitoring programs are X3watch and Covenant Eyes.
A husband who wants to work on your marriage will understand you need to hold him accountable with his internet activity. He will be more than happy to do what it takes to rebuild trust.
Erasing Browsing History
One surefire way to signal guilt is if you find your husband deleting any browsing history. It looks suspicious to you. If your husband is deleting history on his internet browsers, cell phone texts, voicemails, emails, computer files, etc. it will sound an alarm that he’s hiding something. If you suspect this is happening ask him to clarify anything that seems confusing to you.
One way to avoid this problem is for your husband to sit down with you and have you watch him while he deletes history on his devices. When your husband is willing to be accountable when you have questions he is building your trust. If he reacts and pushes back he will damage your trust.
Investing in Your Marriage Through Christian Counseling
In the world we live in, anything and everything is vying for our attention. Social media is just one example, and there are many others. It can be so easy to get deterred by the lure of it, but that does not mean your marriage has to end as a result.
Christian marriage coaching and counseling can be so helpful and life-changing. It makes such a difference to have someone to talk with about these types of problems, but you want to make sure that the guidance and direction you receive is centered on God’s Word.
The reality is that social media is powerful, and when it is misused, it can destroy a marriage. This is especially true after an affair that begins on social media. That does not have to happen to you and your husband. Together, we can find solid solutions that are based on Scripture to help you rebuild your marriage on truth.