When you learn that your spouse is having an affair, it can turn your entire world upside down. A lot of wives wonder, how long do affairs last? They may be confused about how long their husband has been cheating, or they may wonder how long the behavior might possibly continue.
It’s normal to ask a lot of questions once you learn that your spouse is having an affair. This is one that should definitely be answered.
Many Factors Determine How Long Affairs Last
It’s really hard to say with certainty how long affairs last. There are some types of infidelities that only last one night. Others can continue on for many, many years. But the average affair is usually over by about six months.
Again, that is an average. You shouldn’t look at the length of your spouse’s affair in comparison. Your situation might be completely different.
It’s possible that there is a better question we should be asking here. How about, is your husband ready end the affair and break off that relationship?
What Should You Do if You Discover Your Spouse Has Been Cheating?
There is nothing quite as painful as realizing that your husband has been cheating. This is especially true as a Christian. You assumed the best of your spouse, and their betrayal is gut-wrenching. But now that you know about the affair, you need to find out if he’s willing to end it.
This will go one of two ways. Your husband may show signs he’s willing to end the affair and do whatever it takes to win your heart back. He may even be relieved that you found out about it. Or, he may blame you for his affair move in with his betrayal partner and sacrifice your marriage in the process.
The good news is that 70% of marriages that experience affairs don’t end in divorce.
Nonetheless, in either scenario, there will be pain involved. One carries the pain of healing from a broken marriage; working to put the pieces back together again. The other involves working through the pain of your betrayal trauma and beginning a new life without your husband. Fortunately, neither is a road that you need to walk alone.
John 14:18 reads: I will not leave you as orphans. I will come to you.
How Can a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor Help You?
A Christian marriage coach and counselor I can help you as you go through this difficult time. I can provide you with the Christian counsel that you need if your husband decides to end the marriage. If you decide to try and reconcile, I can provide you the support that’s necessary to help you have a marriage that was stronger than before.
Getting the answer to your question, how long do affairs last? is important. But it’s better to focus on your own situation and what is happening within your marriage. Only then will you be able to decide what your next steps will be. Would you like to learn more about the next steps for you after your husband’s affair? I would love to help you with that.
When your husband cheats on you, you’re overwhelmed and confused about what you should do. A lot of women believe that the right thing to do is to stay and try to work it out no matter how abusive their husband is towards them. Others feel as though their marriage covenant has been violated beyond repair. The reality is God want you to confront a cheating husband in a way that is biblical.
I Timothy 5:20 reads: To them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.
Your marriage is sacred, and when your husband chooses to violate it, it leaves you feeling all kinds of emotions. You are feeling shock, anger, depression just to name a few. It’s important for you to know what your next steps should be.
How to Deal with a Cheating Husband Biblically: Your First Step Should be Prayer
For and foremost ask God to protect, comfort, guide and strength you through this trial. It will only weigh on your mind more and more if you neglect to bring this issue before the Lord. You may start thinking about different scenarios, and turning to friends and family who likely will not offer you the best advice about what you should do. Typically they are too emotionally involved. First and foremost, pray for yourself, for your husband and who to go to for counsel. It will help you much more than you probably realize.
Wait to Talk to Your Husband
Secondly, you may be tempted to want to immediately know every detail of his affair. You probably have a lot of questions, and your husband should be willing to reveal all the facts. But there is a time and place for this conversation. A disclosure conversation should take place during a formal procedure with an experienced and trained facilitator such as a counselor, pastor or trusted third party. Disclosures are common in marriage counseling and there is a process for them that keeps the conversation on track and ensures both sides are heard and feel safe.
Asking the Right Questions
It’s helpful to ask questions like:
When did you affair begin?
Where did you meet your betrayal partner?
What devices did you use to communicate with your betrayal partner?
Is this why we stopped having sex
Avoiding Ill-Advised Questions
It is not helpful to ask questions like:
What is her name?
What did she do for you that I didn’t?
Do think about her when we have sex?
What exactly did you do in bed together?
You may want to know all the intimate details or you’re afraid of what you’ll hear. This is very normal. I have yet to hold a disclosure session where the wife didn’t learn something new. You should have this talk in a place that is free from all distractions so you can concentrate on each other.
You should drive separately to the disclosure meeting and arrange for childcare if needed so that you have 24-hours after the conversation without contact with your spouse to process your feelings. Spend the day or night with a trusted friend.
During the disclosure conversation I have seen husbands be sincerely remorseful and sorrowful about cheating. Others are angry and tight-lipped, acting act like his affair is your fault. You’ll likely know where your marriage is headed based on his response.
Research as shown that 86% of couples who have an open and honest disclosure conversation remain married and rebuild trust.
Consider Working with an Experienced Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor
Proverbs 15:22 it states: “Where there is no counsel the people fall.”
It’s possible that wasn’t your husband’s first affair and he crossed a line with you, and you don’t believe that your marriage can ever be the same. Or, maybe he doesn’t have a desire to work on your relationship so that it can heal. If that’s the case, I can help you through it.
Of course, it’s also possible that your husband is willing to work on your marriage. Maybe you don’t see how it can help, but you’re willing to try. If that’s the way you both feel, I can help you with that as well.
Research has shown that when working with a trained counselor and learning how to deal with cheating husband biblically, 96% of betraying spouses and 93% of betrayed spouses felt it was in their best interest to have a third party go through the disclosure process with them.
If you would like to talk with me about how I can help, please email me at hello@drcarolerb.com, or schedule a complimentary consultation at drcarolerb.com.
Regardless, I understand that you are going through one of the hardest times of your life. It’s hard to know how to deal with a cheating husband biblically. Right now things might feel hopeless, but I want to assure you that they’re not. Together, we can seek God and His will for your life and your marriage. I’ll see you next time and until then I send you grace and peace. And remember. You matter.
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