It’s never easy to face the fact that your spouse has betrayed you; especially when that comes in the form of some type of sexual betrayal. If you’re not careful, you can find yourself falling into a lot of different traps that actually prevent you from grieving properly.
Do any of these sound familiar to you?
1. DENIAL AND MINIMIZING
You don’t want to believe that your spouse is involved in any type of pornography, infidelity or sexual addiction. In fact, it’s much easier for you if you just pretend it doesn’t exist or you try to explain it away. It seems easier to ignore your feelings or repress your intuition that something’s not right. You may respond by quickly forgiving just to move on. Or, you make excuses for your spouse’s behavior despite the evidence. Deep down, you might realize that you’re not handling the situation properly, but it feels safer for you to deny it or minimize it.
2. ABANDONING THE RELATIONSHIP
Some people react the opposite way. You move out. Or you’re really eager to immediately file for divorce. Another way you may leave the relationship is to stay angry, keep late hours at work or sleep the day away. People handle pain in different ways to escape the heartbreak of a betrayal. You might be surprised to find out that sometimes there are other ways you can find healing and restoration for your marriage.
3. FIXING THE DAMAGE
Perhaps you have been betrayed by your spouse and your first response is to try and fix the damage that’s been done. Maybe you find yourself constantly obsessing over where your spouse is, or you suddenly become a detective and try to find out all of his or her secrets. You might nag your spouse, buy books for him or her to read or even start dressing provocatively so that you can get some type of positive response. These tactics never work, and they don’t allow you to grieve well so that you can heal from the pain of the betrayal.
4. FOCUSING ON HEALING
Grieving is such a vital part of the healing process when there has been a sexual betrayal in marriage. It’s important for you to get the right kind of help when you’re facing these difficult situations. Find safe people who can speak into your life according to what the Word of God says. Share your soul with them and talk about the struggles you’re facing in your marriage, rather than denying them.
As far as how you should respond to your spouse, it’s important for you to refrain from trusting him or her too soon. You need to set limits in your marriage in order for you to be able to take the time you need to work through your feelings. You will go through several stages during this process, and it’s important for you to not only face the situation and see it for what it is, but you also need to take all the time you need without your spouse pressuring you to just forget about it and move on.
A Christian marriage coach and counselor is an excellent resource for you if you’re currently experiencing betrayal in your marriage. If you would like to make an appointment to talk with me, please contact us at 843-379-0288. I have the tools and skills to help you on your healing journey. Having the right type of support is important, and you can find the assistance you need.