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How Long Do Affairs Last?

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How Long Do Affairs Last?

When you learn that your spouse is having an affair, it can turn your entire world upside down. A lot of wives wonder, how long do affairs last? They may be confused about how long their husband has been cheating, or they may wonder how long the behavior might possibly continue.

It’s normal to ask a lot of questions once you learn that your spouse is having an affair. This is one that should definitely be answered.

Many Factors Determine How Long Affairs Last

It’s really hard to say with certainty how long affairs last. There are some types of infidelities that only last one night. Others can continue on for many, many years. But the average affair is usually over by about six months.

Again, that is an average. You shouldn’t look at the length of your spouse’s affair in comparison. Your situation might be completely different.

It’s possible that there is a better question we should be asking here. How about, is your husband ready end the affair and break off that relationship?

What Should You Do if You Discover Your Spouse Has Been Cheating?

There is nothing quite as painful as realizing that your husband has been cheating. This is especially true as a Christian. You assumed the best of your spouse, and their betrayal is gut-wrenching. But now that you know about the affair, you need to find out if he’s willing to end it.

This will go one of two ways. Your husband may show signs he’s willing to end the affair and do whatever it takes to win your heart back. He may even be relieved that you found out about it. Or, he may blame you for his affair move in with his betrayal partner and sacrifice your marriage in the process.

The good news is that 70% of marriages that experience affairs don’t end in divorce.

Nonetheless, in either scenario, there will be pain involved. One carries the pain of healing from a broken marriage; working to put the pieces back together again. The other involves working through the pain of your betrayal trauma and beginning a new life without your husband. Fortunately, neither is a road that you need to walk alone.

John 14:18 reads:  I will not leave you as orphans.  I will come to you.

How Can a Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor Help You?

A Christian marriage coach and counselor I can help you as you go through this difficult time. I can provide you with the Christian counsel that you need if your husband decides to end the marriage. If you decide to try and reconcile, I can provide you the support that’s necessary to help you have a marriage that was stronger than before.

Getting the answer to your question, how long do affairs last? is important. But it’s better to focus on your own situation and what is happening within your marriage. Only then will you be able to decide what your next steps will be. Would you like to learn more about the next steps for you after your husband’s affair? I would love to help you with that.

 

 

How to Deal With a Cheating Husband Biblically

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When your husband cheats on you, you’re overwhelmed and confused about what you should do. A lot of women believe that the right thing to do is to stay and try to work it out no matter how abusive their husband is towards them. Others feel as though their marriage covenant has been violated beyond repair. The reality is God want you to confront a cheating husband in a way that is biblical.

I Timothy 5:20 reads: To them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear. 

Your marriage is sacred, and when your husband chooses to violate it, it leaves you feeling all kinds of emotions. You are feeling shock, anger, depression just to name a few. It’s important for you to know what your next steps should be.

How to Deal with a Cheating Husband Biblically: Your First Step Should be Prayer

For and foremost ask God to protect, comfort, guide and strength you through this trial. It will only weigh on your mind more and more if you neglect to bring this issue before the Lord. You may start thinking about different scenarios, and turning to friends and family who likely will not offer you the best advice about what you should do. Typically they are too emotionally involved. First and foremost, pray for yourself, for your husband and who to go to for counsel. It will help you much more than you probably realize.

Wait to Talk to Your Husband

Secondly, you may be tempted to want to immediately know every detail of his affair.  You probably have a lot of questions, and your husband should be willing to reveal all the facts. But there is a time and place for this conversation.  A disclosure conversation should take place during a formal procedure with an experienced and trained facilitator such as a counselor, pastor or trusted third party. Disclosures are common in marriage counseling and there is a process for them that keeps the conversation on track and ensures both sides are heard and feel safe.

Asking the Right Questions 

It’s helpful to ask questions like:

  • When did you affair begin?
  • Where did you meet your betrayal partner?
  • What devices did you use to communicate with your betrayal partner?
  • Is this why we stopped having sex 

Avoiding Ill-Advised Questions

It is not helpful to ask questions like:

  • What is her name?
  • What did she do for you that I didn’t?
  • Do think about her when we have sex?
  • What exactly did you do in bed together?

You may want to know all the intimate details or you’re afraid of what you’ll hear. This is very normal.  I have yet to hold a disclosure session where the wife didn’t learn something new. You should have this talk in a place that is free from all distractions so you can concentrate on each other.

You should drive separately to the disclosure meeting and arrange for childcare if needed so that you have 24-hours after the conversation without contact with your spouse to process your feelings.  Spend the day or night with a trusted friend.

During the disclosure conversation I have seen husbands be sincerely remorseful and sorrowful about cheating. Others are angry and tight-lipped, acting act like his affair is your fault.  You’ll likely know where your marriage is headed based on his response.

Research as shown that 86% of couples who have an open and honest disclosure conversation remain married and rebuild trust.

Consider Working with an Experienced Christian Marriage Coach and Counselor

Proverbs 15:22 it states: “Where there is no counsel the people fall.”

It’s possible that wasn’t your husband’s first affair and he crossed a line with you, and you don’t believe that your marriage can ever be the same. Or, maybe he doesn’t have a desire to work on your relationship so that it can heal. If that’s  the case, I can help you through it.

Of course, it’s also possible that your husband is willing to work on your marriage. Maybe you don’t see how it can help, but you’re willing to try. If that’s the way you both feel, I can help you with that as well.

Research has shown that when working with a trained counselor and learning how to deal with cheating husband biblically, 96% of betraying spouses and 93% of betrayed spouses felt it was in their best interest to have a third party go through the disclosure process with them.

If you would like to talk with me about how I can help, please email me at hello@drcarolerb.com, or schedule a complimentary consultation at drcarolerb.com.

Regardless, I understand that you are going through one of the hardest times of your life. It’s hard to know how to deal with a cheating husband biblically. Right now things might feel hopeless, but I want to assure you that they’re not. Together, we can seek God and His will for your life and your marriage.  I’ll see you next time and until then I send you grace and peace.  And remember.  You matter.

 

How to Catch Him Cheating

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How to Catch Him Cheating

Perhaps you suspect that your husband is having an affair.  In your gut you’re feeling something is off. The thought of it is consuming you, and it’s hard to think about anything else. Your main thought is, how to catch him cheating?, and you feel as though you won’t rest until you find the answer.

As someone who has dealt with infidelity in marriage before, I completely understand. When a cheating husband has a routine down, it can be hard to catch him. But there are some ways it may be possible.

How to Catch Him Cheating: Look for Signs

Cheating husbands often give off many different signs that indicate they might be being unfaithful. Some of the signs you might want to start looking for include:

  • Spending an excessive amount of time on the phone.
  • Hiding their phone, and/or always keeping it hidden from your field of vision.
  • Brushing off future plans, such as planning to buy a home or having children.
  • Spending a lot more money than usual, or there is money unaccounted for.
  • Staying at work until late at night.

Of course, these are only a few of the more common signs that indicate someone might be cheating. But they are definitely among the top ones to look for.

Getting Solid Evidence of the Affair

It’s possible that you’ve tried to talk with your husband and let him know of your suspicions. Most men will be adamant that there’s nothing going on, which makes you feel like you’re being played.  You question yourself. This only means you need to get some more concrete information.

There are several things you can do, such as:

  • Checking his email and his trash folder. You may find something there that proves he is being unfaithful.
  • Stop by his office. If he is having an affair with someone at work, you’ll likely be able to tell if he feels uncomfortable with you there.
  • Look at his phone. Try to find a time when his phone is accessible to you and look at his calls and messages.
  • Come home unexpectedly. This is often the best way to catch a husband cheating; especially if you were supposed to be out of town.
  • Confront him on lies he has told, or dates he has canceled. The way that he responds may give you some clues as to whether or not he is cheating.

Proverbs 22:12- The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.

What if You Fail to Get Things Sorted Out?

Rather than asking, how to catch him cheating?, you might want to consider the help of a third party.  Why not ask, how can I begin to take care of myself? The answer to that question is by working with a counselor that can help you.

As a Christian marriage coach and counselor, I can give you a lot of guidance through your situation.  I’ve walked in your shoes. Even if your husband hasn’t confessed, and you have no solid evidence, or you’re minimizing what you’ve discovered, you still need support to resolve things.

I can provide you with the help you need during this troubling time. What you’re facing is difficult, but as a Christian woman, I can tell you that I know there are answers. You’re not alone. Together, and with God’s help, you can feel less vulnerable and more in control.

Percentage of Couples Who Stay Together After Cheating?

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What is the Percentage of Couples Who Stay Together After Cheating?

For many couples – even Christian ones – finding out that one spouse has had an affair results in an automatic separation and possibly a divorce. But for others, it is possible to work through the issues that led to the affair in the first place. Some couples even report getting through the situation with an even stronger marriage.

If you are facing the stress of dealing with your spouse’s affair, you may wonder how this could have happened. What is it that allows these people to want to continue working on their marriages? Other may be concerned with thinking what if my spouse has an affair again. These are both really good questions.

Let’s take a look at the percentage of couples who stay together after cheating. You might be surprised at what you learn about them.

How Can a Marriage Work After a Spouse Has Cheated?

Unfortunately, it is really difficult to get hard and fast statistics about how many couples decide to stay together after one spouse has been unfaithful. Research is even unclear about how many men and women will be involved in affairs in their lifetimes. Some researchers indicate that 2.3% of married women, and 4.3% of married men will cheat on their spouses. Others put those numbers much higher – 25% for men and 11% for women.

Here is what we do know for sure – when one spouse has cheated, and both partners are committed to making the marriage work, healing can take place in their relationship.

Can Your Marriage Survive an Affair?

This is a question that only you and your spouse can answer, and it is different for everyone. You may find that when you both put in the work, your marriage can become even stronger. Or, you may feel as though too much trust has been lost and your husband shows no sign of remorse and enough is enough. You need to move on and heal in a way that means you need to separate.  

“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” Proverbs 27:12.

I never recommend divorce as that’s a decision made between you and God.

As a Christian, it can be difficult for you to know what the right thing is for you to do. Working as a Christian marriage coach and counselor, I have helped many couples navigate these troublesome waters and get the right answer for them.

You may be feeling overwhelmed and betrayed because your husband cheated on you and don’t know what to do next. I can help you rebuild your confidence, reignite your faith, and remove your fear of the future so you can trust your decisions and take the next right step in your marriage and life. With the right strategies, you will be left feeling peaceful and confident in dealing with the present and facing the future.

We may not be able to indicate the exact percentage of couples who stay together after cheating, but we do know one thing. That percentage really has no bearing on what happens with your marriage. Together, we can find a solution that will help you heal and move on either on your own, or with your spouse.

Why Did God Let This Happen?

Why Did God Let This Happen?

A thought many women have once they discover their husband has betrayed them is: “God, why did you let this happen?” This is a question that many women ask when they’re faced with the reality of an infidelity or if sexual addiction taking over their marriages. Perhaps you feel this way too. You’ve been doing your very best to live your life purely before the Lord. You read your Bible, you attend church, you pray, and you serve God in everything you do. You know you’re not perfect, but you’re doing your best and relying on God to give you the strength to be obedient to Him.

 

Discovering that your husband has hidden sin can shatter your entire world, not to mention your marriage. You experience an entire range of emotions, including:

  • Grief
  • Anger
  • Bitterness
  • Mistrust
  • Sadness

Above you, you would like to know the answer to the question, why did God let this happen? and life can be very confusing for you until you find it.

The Gift of Free Will and the Sovereignty of God

Genesis 3:6 says, “The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too.”

Free will is something that God placed within us as humans because He wants us to be able to choose to love Him or not. He wants us to choose to trust Him, and He doesn’t desire to have people who are forced to be obedient. Our God is a genuine God, and He wants our love for Him to be just as genuine. Just as Eve exercised her free will when she choose to eat the fruit from the tree, your husband has also exercised his free will.

This does not mean that God is not sovereign. He is. In fact He is referred to as sovereign more than 300 times in scripture. Just because your husband made the decision to sin, that does not mean that God is not still in control.

All Things Work Together for Good

Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

Even though it may seem difficult to understand, God is in the process right now of working this betrayal out for your good. Yes, it will hurt, and it may continue to hurt for quite some time. Pruning is painful, but it is something that God allows to happen in our lives from time to time. God’s ultimate goal for you is that you will bear more fruit in your life, but that only occurs when you’re able to trust in Him, despite the circumstances you’re facing. It is so important for you to be aware of this pruning process so that you don’t become bitter, angry or mistrustful about what God is doing in your life.

There are so many stories in the Bible of times when God worked miracles out of something that seemed to be terrible situations. Consider Joseph as he was in prison when he did nothing wrong, or the story of the birth of the Savior to a virgin woman who could have been stoned for being an adulteress. God will work this out for your good, and if you place your trust in His ability to do it, He will bless you.

Help from a Christian Marriage Coach

The pain you are experiencing is so very real, but please, do not be caught in a trap of placing the blame on God. God loves you so very much, and He wants nothing more than your healing and restoration.

It can help to talk with someone who understands God’s Word and His direction for your life if you’re facing the reality of a betrayal in your marriage. If you would like to reach me you may do so at hello@drcarolerb.com .  Or if you would like to speak with me let’s schedule a time for us to talk. I’ve been able to help so many women navigate these difficult waters.  And, I would love to support you.  Hangeth thou in there and I’m sending you God’s grace and peace.

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