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How to Catch Him Cheating

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How to Catch Him Cheating

Perhaps you suspect that your husband is having an affair.  In your gut you’re feeling something is off. The thought of it is consuming you, and it’s hard to think about anything else. Your main thought is, how to catch him cheating?, and you feel as though you won’t rest until you find the answer.

As someone who has dealt with infidelity in marriage before, I completely understand. When a cheating husband has a routine down, it can be hard to catch him. But there are some ways it may be possible.

How to Catch Him Cheating: Look for Signs

Cheating husbands often give off many different signs that indicate they might be being unfaithful. Some of the signs you might want to start looking for include:

  • Spending an excessive amount of time on the phone.
  • Hiding their phone, and/or always keeping it hidden from your field of vision.
  • Brushing off future plans, such as planning to buy a home or having children.
  • Spending a lot more money than usual, or there is money unaccounted for.
  • Staying at work until late at night.

Of course, these are only a few of the more common signs that indicate someone might be cheating. But they are definitely among the top ones to look for.

Getting Solid Evidence of the Affair

It’s possible that you’ve tried to talk with your husband and let him know of your suspicions. Most men will be adamant that there’s nothing going on, which makes you feel like you’re being played.  You question yourself. This only means you need to get some more concrete information.

There are several things you can do, such as:

  • Checking his email and his trash folder. You may find something there that proves he is being unfaithful.
  • Stop by his office. If he is having an affair with someone at work, you’ll likely be able to tell if he feels uncomfortable with you there.
  • Look at his phone. Try to find a time when his phone is accessible to you and look at his calls and messages.
  • Come home unexpectedly. This is often the best way to catch a husband cheating; especially if you were supposed to be out of town.
  • Confront him on lies he has told, or dates he has canceled. The way that he responds may give you some clues as to whether or not he is cheating.

Proverbs 22:12- The LORD detests lying lips, but he delights in people who are trustworthy.

What if You Fail to Get Things Sorted Out?

Rather than asking, how to catch him cheating?, you might want to consider the help of a third party.  Why not ask, how can I begin to take care of myself? The answer to that question is by working with a counselor that can help you.

As a Christian marriage coach and counselor, I can give you a lot of guidance through your situation.  I’ve walked in your shoes. Even if your husband hasn’t confessed, and you have no solid evidence, or you’re minimizing what you’ve discovered, you still need support to resolve things.

I can provide you with the help you need during this troubling time. What you’re facing is difficult, but as a Christian woman, I can tell you that I know there are answers. You’re not alone. Together, and with God’s help, you can feel less vulnerable and more in control.

Percentage of Couples Who Stay Together After Cheating?

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What is the Percentage of Couples Who Stay Together After Cheating?

For many couples – even Christian ones – finding out that one spouse has had an affair results in an automatic separation and possibly a divorce. But for others, it is possible to work through the issues that led to the affair in the first place. Some couples even report getting through the situation with an even stronger marriage.

If you are facing the stress of dealing with your spouse’s affair, you may wonder how this could have happened. What is it that allows these people to want to continue working on their marriages? Other may be concerned with thinking what if my spouse has an affair again. These are both really good questions.

Let’s take a look at the percentage of couples who stay together after cheating. You might be surprised at what you learn about them.

How Can a Marriage Work After a Spouse Has Cheated?

Unfortunately, it is really difficult to get hard and fast statistics about how many couples decide to stay together after one spouse has been unfaithful. Research is even unclear about how many men and women will be involved in affairs in their lifetimes. Some researchers indicate that 2.3% of married women, and 4.3% of married men will cheat on their spouses. Others put those numbers much higher – 25% for men and 11% for women.

Here is what we do know for sure – when one spouse has cheated, and both partners are committed to making the marriage work, healing can take place in their relationship.

Can Your Marriage Survive an Affair?

This is a question that only you and your spouse can answer, and it is different for everyone. You may find that when you both put in the work, your marriage can become even stronger. Or, you may feel as though too much trust has been lost and your husband shows no sign of remorse and enough is enough. You need to move on and heal in a way that means you need to separate.  

“The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and pay the penalty.” Proverbs 27:12.

I never recommend divorce as that’s a decision made between you and God.

As a Christian, it can be difficult for you to know what the right thing is for you to do. Working as a Christian marriage coach and counselor, I have helped many couples navigate these troublesome waters and get the right answer for them.

You may be feeling overwhelmed and betrayed because your husband cheated on you and don’t know what to do next. I can help you rebuild your confidence, reignite your faith, and remove your fear of the future so you can trust your decisions and take the next right step in your marriage and life. With the right strategies, you will be left feeling peaceful and confident in dealing with the present and facing the future.

We may not be able to indicate the exact percentage of couples who stay together after cheating, but we do know one thing. That percentage really has no bearing on what happens with your marriage. Together, we can find a solution that will help you heal and move on either on your own, or with your spouse.

Why Did God Let This Happen?

Why Did God Let This Happen?

A thought many women have once they discover their husband has betrayed them is: “God, why did you let this happen?” This is a question that many women ask when they’re faced with the reality of an infidelity or if sexual addiction taking over their marriages. Perhaps you feel this way too. You’ve been doing your very best to live your life purely before the Lord. You read your Bible, you attend church, you pray, and you serve God in everything you do. You know you’re not perfect, but you’re doing your best and relying on God to give you the strength to be obedient to Him.

 

Discovering that your husband has hidden sin can shatter your entire world, not to mention your marriage. You experience an entire range of emotions, including:

  • Grief
  • Anger
  • Bitterness
  • Mistrust
  • Sadness

Above you, you would like to know the answer to the question, why did God let this happen? and life can be very confusing for you until you find it.

The Gift of Free Will and the Sovereignty of God

Genesis 3:6 says, “The woman was convinced. She saw that the tree was beautiful and its fruit looked delicious, and she wanted the wisdom it would give her. So she took some of the fruit and ate it. Then she gave some to her husband, who was with her, and he ate it, too.”

Free will is something that God placed within us as humans because He wants us to be able to choose to love Him or not. He wants us to choose to trust Him, and He doesn’t desire to have people who are forced to be obedient. Our God is a genuine God, and He wants our love for Him to be just as genuine. Just as Eve exercised her free will when she choose to eat the fruit from the tree, your husband has also exercised his free will.

This does not mean that God is not sovereign. He is. In fact He is referred to as sovereign more than 300 times in scripture. Just because your husband made the decision to sin, that does not mean that God is not still in control.

All Things Work Together for Good

Romans 8:28 says, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.”

Even though it may seem difficult to understand, God is in the process right now of working this betrayal out for your good. Yes, it will hurt, and it may continue to hurt for quite some time. Pruning is painful, but it is something that God allows to happen in our lives from time to time. God’s ultimate goal for you is that you will bear more fruit in your life, but that only occurs when you’re able to trust in Him, despite the circumstances you’re facing. It is so important for you to be aware of this pruning process so that you don’t become bitter, angry or mistrustful about what God is doing in your life.

There are so many stories in the Bible of times when God worked miracles out of something that seemed to be terrible situations. Consider Joseph as he was in prison when he did nothing wrong, or the story of the birth of the Savior to a virgin woman who could have been stoned for being an adulteress. God will work this out for your good, and if you place your trust in His ability to do it, He will bless you.

Help from a Christian Marriage Coach

The pain you are experiencing is so very real, but please, do not be caught in a trap of placing the blame on God. God loves you so very much, and He wants nothing more than your healing and restoration.

It can help to talk with someone who understands God’s Word and His direction for your life if you’re facing the reality of a betrayal in your marriage. If you would like to reach me you may do so at hello@drcarolerb.com .  Or if you would like to speak with me let’s schedule a time for us to talk. I’ve been able to help so many women navigate these difficult waters.  And, I would love to support you.  Hangeth thou in there and I’m sending you God’s grace and peace.

Has Your Self-Worth Been Shattered?

Has Your Self-Worth Been Shattered?

Discovering that your husband has been unfaithful can have a devastating effect on your self worth. Your self-esteem can take a drastic hit that can cause you to have difficulty thinking clearly, and as a result, so many women tend to end up blaming themselves for their marriages falling apart.

 

 

Perhaps this is how you have been feeling lately, and even though others have told you that it’s not your fault, you can’t help but think that it is. You may catch yourself time and time again playing the “If only…” game.

  • If only I had paid him more compliments.
  • If only I hadn’t been so unreasonable.
  • If only I was prettier.
  • If only I was thinner.
  • If only I was funnier.
  • If only I was more fun to be around.

In essence, you are beginning to think that you’re not good enough; not for your husband, and certainly not for yourself.

THE TRUTH ABOUT WHO YOU ARE

As Christian women, we do ourselves a disservice when we forget about what the Word of God says about who we are in Christ. God’s Word is powerful, and true, and upon studying it, we learn that:

  • Colossians 2:10 says that you are complete in Him who is the Head of all principality and power.
  • Ephesians 2:5 says that you are alive with Christ.
  • 1 John 5:18 says that you are born of God, and the evil one does not touch me.
  • Ephesians 1:4 says that I you are holy and without blame before Him in love.
  • 1 Corinthians 2:16 says that you have the mind of Christ.
  • 1 John 4:4 says that you have the Greater One living in me; greater is He who is in me than he who is in the world.
  • Ephesians 2:10 says that you are God’s workmanship, created in Christ unto good works.

There is no denying who God says you are, and anything that whispers in your ear and tells you that you’re less than His best is from the enemy.

PRACTICAL WAYS TO IMPROVE YOUR SELF-WORTH

It’s not enough to read through the Bible and see the truth about who you are one time. This is something you need to get down into your spirit, and it can help to know some practical ways that you can improve your self-worth. Finding out that your husband has been having an affair is an incredible blow to your self-esteem and self-worth. One of the reasons this occurs because you feel like you’ve lost control. The time to start rebuilding your self-worth is now, and there are a few things you can do:

  • Stop blaming yourself for what happened, and every time you start to place the blame on you, take notice, and correct yourself.
  • Don’t compare yourself to the other woman. This will only lead to more negative thoughts about your self worth.
  • Prayerfully consider what you want your future to look like, and what your goals are for your marriage. Keep those in front of you.
  • Take time for yourself to properly care for yourself and your own needs.
  • Consider getting help from a Christian marriage coach who will lead you according to God’s Word and help you understand the steps you need to take next.

The road you’re on is a difficult one to navigate all on your own. If you would like to reach me you can email me at hello@drcarolerb.com .  Or if you would like to speak with me you can schedule a time for us to talk. I would love to support you.  .

How Do I Deal With Triggers?

How Do I Deal With Triggers?

I want to address something that occurs for all women  who’ve been sexually betrayed.  It’s called triggers.  Also known as a meltdown. A trigger is something that sets off a memory, which takes you back to the event of your original trauma. Triggers are very personal; different things trigger different people. Triggers might be one of the most difficult aspects of dealing with the aftermath of infidelity. Unfortunately, they are quite common, and the betrayed spouse will often experience them when encountering certain locations, words or events that remind them of the betrayal they experienced in their marriage. If you’re not careful, triggers can take over your life; even causing you to avoid going to events or to places that bring up thoughts that you don’t want to think about.

 

 

It’s possible that you’ve noticed some triggers in your own life, and in your marriage that are starting to affect the way you live your life. Let’s talk about what some common triggers are and how you can cope with them.

Trigger #1: Your Home

Unfortunately, in many marriages, the infidelity that occurred often took place in the couple’s home. When this is discovered, it can be so heartbreaking, and it isn’t surprising that many betrayed spouses begin to view their home as something they despise. If your spouse has disclosed that sexual relations between him and his lover took place in your home, this is a powerful trigger for you. It’s normal for you to want to move, and if you choose to do so, and your spouse should support you in that if he is willing to work on rebuilding your marriage.

Trigger #2: People Who Knew of the Affair

There are usually more people who know of an affair, other than just the two people involved. These individuals may be co-workers, friends or family members. Sometimes, an affair is minimized or even accepted by those who know about it. The knowledge of an affair can make these individuals triggers for you, and you may not want to spend time with them. However, there are some cases when confronting them is warranted; especially if they are family members or mutual friends. Whether you choose to confront them and attempt to repair your relationship with them eventually, or you opt to remove them from your life for the time being, that is a decision that you spouse should support.

Trigger #3: Suspicious Behaviors

When you think back to the time before you realized your spouse was having an affair, you may notice that there were many behaviors that should have cued you in to what was going on. For example, you might remember long nights at the office,  overnight business trips, flirtatious behavior with other women, you could recall picking up your spouse’s phone and finding that all of his text messages had been erased. These behaviors can be triggers too, and even though they might be innocent now, they can alert you to the possibility of another affair. Talk with your spouse about how these behaviors affect you, and ask him to make changes.

Trigger #4: Distant Behavior

Quite often, there is a distance that is felt between a husband and a wife before an affair is revealed, and while it’s impossible to immediately get back the closeness you once shared, your spouse should be making an effort to close in the distance between you as much as possible. Distant behavior can be a major trigger, and it’s up to your spouse to help remove it.

If your marriage has recently suffered through a betrayal, I can assist you with understanding what triggers are affecting you, and work with you to help you get on a path to healing.  You can reach me at hello@drcarolerb.com or if you’d like to speak with me you can schedule a time for us to talk.

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